Someday

Hadley asked me the other day what I'll do when I don't have any kids to take care of? Interesting question coming from a five year-old to a mom who sometimes can't imagine a day like that. And yet, I know it will come.

I asked her what she thought I should do and she responded that I could help other people or do things for others.

I am so happy that she sees that as a viable and respectable practice because I strive for that one day. Today I am in the service of my children, later it can hopefully be for others. It is so important for my kids to see me serve others as much as I can right now. I want them to know that there is no better way to spend your time.

Seasons

When people say "they grow up so fast" I hope to think to myself, 'nope, I was there for every day, hour, even minute of it. the timing seemed just about right.'

I've felt this way with all of my infants - actually that they can't grow up fast enough. More importantly though, I think I can genuinely say that I have tried to enjoy each stage for what it was - even the infant stage that I didn't care very much for. With Gentry especially I've tried to hold her more or longer or just relish in her stages. I never want to look back and think sadly that 'they grow up so fast and I wasn't there for nearly enough of it.'

Another advantage of having all four kids close together is that I really am here for every minute of it. Sometimes this is frustrating but I genuinely feel like I am getting my fill of their childhoods - at least I hope so.

I remember reading an article by a mom who talked about being in your child's stages and then moving on to the next. She wrote about how it was like seasons - we always seem to get our fill of a season, excitedly welcome the next one, and on and on. (I especially do this - every season seems just two weeks too long but it makes you appreciate the next season that comes along. A couple months ago I was relishing in the fall season and now I can't wait for Spring!) As she put it, if you just enjoy the season you're in, then the following season comes naturally. Once elementary school years were finished, the chapter was closed and her and her child welcomed middle school. Again, I hope having several children close in age helps me to really live fully within their seasons and then welcome the next. What is challenging is having multiple children all going through different stages. I'll never have to say that I wish I had been around more for so and so, or as much as I was with the [first] or [last] one. This is my season - four kids, all in my home, all under my influence (almost solely) and all dependant on me.

Of course I know there will be times when I see old pictures or videos of when they were younger and miss that. This is to remind me that I lived that life to the fullest (as is possible) and my kids had me for all of those moments.

Here I Am!

"Here I am!" This is the phrase Lauren uses whenever she finds something, is pointing out where something is or is asked where she is. It can be translated to mean: 'Here it is', 'there it is', or 'I found it'. Very cute.

Christmastime

I almost thought Christmastime couldn't get any better - but it does, with kids! I love trying to create the same magical Christmas feeling that I grew up with and yet it is still hard with an infant and Chris working so much. I just know that each year it will get easier and easier and that I don't recall any specific traditions that my mom did with me as much as just the overall season. Obviously having a Christmas tree set up in the living room helps but what I'd like more is to reach out to others and really have the kids feel the Spirit more wholly throughout the season. I guess as long as it is still a magical and reverent holiday for me, I can continue to instill those feelings in my kids with my own enthusiasm for it.

We are doing an advent calendar this year that helps us to read parts of the Christmas story from the New Testament. Each day we've also tried to do a fun activity like:
Wait for Santa (the local police dept.)
Write letters to Santa
Bake a tree cake and decorate it
Play the present game (find and give things to one another and practice thanking them)
Taking a walk to see Christmas lights
Going to gmas' house for activities
Make crafts
Being peacemakers
Watching a Christmas movie together
Unwrapping/reading Christmas books

It makes me so sad that Chris can't be more a part of our holiday season and I hope the kids are not lacking because of it. Fortunately it is easy for me to be excited about the season and everything it entails.

Huh?

An exchange between Chris and Hadley:

Last night when I was spending one-on-one time with Hadley, I asked her where she would want to go or what she wanted to do if there was a day when she and I could go do something together. Without hesitating, she responded and said she would love to go to Egypt and go inside the pyramids and we could see zombies. I was like, yeah, that would be cool. What I was thinking was, "I was hoping for something more local."

Gentry's Baby Blessing

notes from daddy:

Sunday November 8th, 2009

Gentry, we bless you with health and happiness. We bless you to continue growing and developing and that you will develop into a person of discernment, that you will be able to recognize those things that bring eternal happiness and pursue those things. We bless you to appreciate the simple joys of life and that you will be humble and patient. We bless you to have faith and courage as you confront life's challenges and with a desire to serve others. We bless you with the attributes of cheerfulness, gratitude and grace. We bless you to gain knowledge, to receive the gospel ordinances and that you will have an opportunity to raise an eternal family.

other notes taken:

Have health & happiness
Appreciate the small things
Be humble & patient
Have faith & courage, cheerfulness & gratitude, grace & knowledge
Make decisions that will keep you worthy of gospel ordinances

Nighttime

Last night I got to cuddle/hold three of my little kiddos in bed. It was so cozy and comfortable. Gentry was down for the night after I rocked her to sleep while reading stories from the Bible. Then Hadley, Vincent, Lauren and I piled into their new bed (Gma and Gpa Landmeier's wedding set) and cuddled. I sang Christmas songs to them, then hummed them as I watched all three of them fade away into childhood dreams. Some nights I am frustrated and strict with bedtimes but other nights I love enjoying the fact that four of us can all fit in one bed.

Someday my kids will not need kisses or want to cuddle as they drift off to sleep. I am grateful that, for now, they still want and need me close. I hope I am helping to create fond memories for them as well as myself. I'm not sure I can remember a time that my parents cuddled with me. I remember going into their bed at times and them making a space in between them. And I remember my mom tucking the blankets tightly around my entire body to make me 'roasty toasty'.

It was a good night and I hope to cherish these memories all the days I live.