Perspective

One day when Gentry was a few weeks old I needed a dose of perspective on having a newborn in the house with older children. I sought help and got these emails back and have frequently referred to them on occasion. I thought it'd be good to have to remember some of the struggles of this stage.

Today I need a dose of healthy perspective: forgive me for the long email.> >

Whenever I go to younger people's weddings I sit and think, 'boy what i wish I would have known or taken advantage of during that stage in my life." Now, after more than one baby, I think, "what I wish I'd known and taken advantage of when I just have one baby to take care of and hold all day." Quite frankly, I should have enjoyed every stage more. Everytime I have a new baby I start wondering what I am supposed to be enjoying about this stage in addition to having so many other small ones around the house. > >

I asked one of my good friends this and what she wished she'd taken advantage of more when she had little ones and she admitted, 'nothing - there isn't a lot of good stuff where I'm at right now.' She loved to get kids in school and find a routine and can't wait to go back to work.> >

But in my ever waking moments (more than I can stand) I figure there must be something I should enjoy. I really don't want to look back and regret things I should have enjoyed. I figure you all are my best sources b/c you have multiple children that are grown. What do you miss about my stage? Feel free to admit if there isn't anything b/c an honest opinion is helpful too.> >

Thanks> >

Raena> >

P.S. only 1 of 3 of my kids who still need naps are taking one today - (the newborn being the 1) so the other two are begging for a lollipop and making a mess of the popcorn that, yes, we had for lunch today!


Raena,

So, I've been thinking about this for a few days. I was given a blessing at one time that instructed me to live day to day. Do not try to live tomorrow, just do your very best today. Not that this instruction is for everyone, but it helped me focus on the here and now and on the things I had control over. I sincerely try to live each day with no regrets at the end of day. Granted, I am not perfect at this, and many times wake during the night with fear and anxiety of things to improve on. So, my focus is on the here and now. Time passes too quickly all by itself, needless to say wishing it to pass, or phases to pass, faster is only allowing for regret. Write in your journal daily, which I am not great at, but it helps. Live each day fully, enjoy all that life offers (even the bad), live with no regrets, and lastly take care to your task of eternity. Teaching and raising children is eternal- my fear in wishing stages to pass is that we miss the lessons that are for us, not them. You are a loving mother, don't beat yourself up, but live as if you had only a little time with them, because in perspective we do.

Raena, I do not mean to be preachy nor to make myself sound great at this. I had a lady once tell me to let my dishes go and play a little more---but dishes do need to get done and children need to learn to entertain themselves at times. Be your best and laugh at the rest! And pray!!!

As far as what I miss about mine being little--their innocence, their earnest hearts, their sincerity, their little world full of stuff to learn, things to touch, emotions to feel, all of that stuff. It is great to see them become independent, and we want them to become such, but it is nice to control their world and the influences of good on them. I think you'll find Gentry will grow faster than you remember Hadley growing. It is a trick time plays on us. Devor and Ammon, I feel, have grown so fast that I have missed some things, like I have no idea when Devor got all of his teeth.

Alas, this is your place in life, and though you don't thoroughly enjoy it, you do have control over making the most of it. President Eyring said that if you want to see God's hand in your life, write in your journal everyday. I think that goes for seeing the joy of motherhood. Pause for moments and laugh and play and get muddy and wrestle. They love you and need to know home is happy and where they can always come when life inevitably beats them up. I have some regrets, such as, reacting to things with frustration instead of pausing to gain composure (my kids react a bit now and I wish I had taught them differently). I wish I had never spoken to them in anger. This one sounds crazy, but you know how mom talks about "teaching moments", well I wish I wasn't so worried about missing them, because sometimes it is just better to be fun than preachy. I still love hugging my kids, but it is less often, and my boys pull away quicker. I miss the hugs and just sitting and reading books, or walktalks, or just a call for help (from Jaron and Rinne). Oh bother, now I am getting emotional, so I will let this go. I love you--

Kali


Hi Raena,

It was fun to see your family over the weekend. I'm glad the kids will have lots of memories of playing with their cousins. Here's the email I started--it was nice to think about the baby stage...

I wish we lived closer. I'd love to have Landon and Vincent entertain each other in ways that only boys find interesting or amusing. Somehow Moms don't come programmed to enjoy all the rough and tumble and sports and bodily sounds and so on.

What do I miss about your stage? Holding a sleeping baby and me dozing off because I feel so comfortable and warm. My naps never lasted long because the other kids always needed something. But I'll never regret skipping the housework to hold my babies. I also thoroughly enjoyed the silly way kids say and do things when they are so little. Tickling and simple games lasted forever because the kids wanted to keep it going. I loved watching the kids entertain themselves for hours with a funnel and measuring cup and water in the sink. I tried to record these occasions in our journals, and the kids love reading through them often. One other thing I miss is sitting with the kids on my lap and reading together--I think I mostly miss the kids being little and cuddly. Landon and I still cuddle a lot, and the other kids like to lean on my shoulder, but they're just not small anymore.

Each stage comes with the good and the bad. Fortunately, the first things I remember are the positive things.

I just have to say that I admire how much you are in the moment with your kids. Yes, a newborn throws things off for a while, but your kids will fondly remember water balloons, slip and slides, Popsicles, helping Mom cook, Disneyland, etc.

Sharon