Babes

All of the kids have had distinctly different personalities as babies. Here's hoping to capture or remember some of the similarities and differences:

Hadley LOVED to swing. I mean LOOOOVED it. From day one. In fact, up until she was way too old to be in infant swings she still wanted to do it. She slept in the swing, watched Baby Einstein in the swing, just sat and enjoyed the view while in the swing, anything was great while she swung. Neither Vincent or Lauren much cared for the swing and it appears as though Gentry appears to be following in their lead which is quite bothersome to me. I do however have a theory -

Vincent, Lauren and Gentry sleep on their tummy, not on their back like Hadley did. This is always very stressful for me and I remember hoping that Gentry would not sleep on her tummy like the last two b/c all the literature and pediatricians today will tell you, no insist that you put babies on their back due to SIDS. I slept next to Vincent for the first three months because it made me so nervous. Then I would go to bed worrying about them. I got a little bit more used to it with Lauren, but it still makes me nervous.

Hadley loves a pacifier. Vincent and Lauren like their thumbs and blankies.

A lot of people refuse to sleep with their babies or share their bed with them but looking back, Chris and I both agree it was the best thing we ever did with Hadley. She was such a cuddler when she was in bed with us. It got us over the nighttime feeding hump, and she would always know it was time to go to sleep with us. Of course this wasn't as ideal when she was supposed to sleep on her own or without us but I wouldn't trade all the cuddling with my first child for the world.

Vincent never really liked sleeping or being near anyone when it was time to sleep. In fact, I remember when I discovered that his newborn crankiness was just a need to sleep. By himself. In his own space. If we were desperate we could bring him in our bed and ignore him as much as possible until he would peter-out and fall asleep.

Lauren does not cuddle. At all. She likes her crib. She rarely, if ever, will fall asleep with us. I admit she never had as many opportunities to cuddle with us but even now she will jump and play around in our bed when we try to get her to sleep.

The word that would best describe Hadley as an infant is Content. She was the most content, happy, easy baby ever. I of course only know this now after having subsequent children. She was soooo easy to appease and rarely cranky.

I nursed (am nursing) all of you. Hadley was the hardest b/c she was my first but I have to admit, it didn't get much better with the rest. I just knew what to expect. Latching on was a problem as was getting thrush with Hadley, Vincent and possible Gentry. Lauren was probably the easiest one to grasp breastfeeding and became the most portable. I've never been great at breastfeeding with one arm or being mobile but I remember with Lauren, that I could get up and walk around if necessary. Hadley self-weened about two weeks before her first birthday. I weened Vincent at about 14 months because I was pregnant. I also weened Lauren at about 16 months because I was pregnant.

Vincent was the opposite of Hadley. I remember how crabby he would be after waking up from naps, before being put down and often in between time. I struggled with finding what would appease him most of the time.

Lauren was less difficult than Vincent.

So far, Gentry is most like Lauren.

Hadley never crawled on her knees but used her hands and feet instead. Vincent did the army crawl on his tummy. I'm realizing that I can't remember about Lauren so my guess is she was the first one to crawl the ordinary way. Now I am glad to be writing more of this down . . .

Ages & Stages

Hadley 5 years - Still really sweet as can be . . . most of the time. Since starting Kindergarten I've noticed her confidence level has increased along with a little bit of, dare I say, attitude. She really still is such a help to me and I miss her being gone during the day. Not only is she more willing to help out and pitch in but she is such a great imaginative playmate for Vincent. I wish I could give her so much more of my undivided attention and read great books and stories with her. Fortunately, Hadley is extremely patient and understanding that I am stretched thin right now.

Vincent 3 and a half - Vincent is a lover of all things sport. He will watch any sport he can find on television but is current favorites are baseball and golf. He loves to play catch or hit the ball. I've tried my best to find time to play outside with him each day. He can still be very sweet and nurturing. I love when he asks to hold Gentry and caresses her hair.

Lauren 1 and a half - Lauren is a little firecracker who thinks she is indestructible. She copies everything little thing her older siblings do. She enjoys jumping off of furniture like them but lands in a big plop every time. Her favorite words are no, yes, and a deep throaty geh-guh for Gentry. She also loves to hold the baby and points to her nose, eyes and mouth. She is helpful and will always find the baby's blanket when needed. Lauren loves shoes more than anything. We should have known something was odd when she used to always lick the bottoms of a certain pair of Vincent's shoes. Now she just carries shoes around, wears any shoes she can find or brings you your shoes and insists you put them on or she'll have a tantrum.

Gentry 5 weeks - Gentry is starting to chunk out. Something I only remember Lauren doing as well but not quite this early. Maybe it is because she is my fourth but I notice the changes she makes more than I remember the other children. So far we've discovered that: she likes sleeping on her back and she HATES the car seat!

self-titled

and it came to pass . . . and it came to pass . . . and it came to pass. need to keep reminding myself of this with a newborn in the house. keep wondering if i'll ever really miss this stage? this too shall pass . . . just hurry please.

Kindergarten

Today Hadley started Kindergarten. Has it finally come to this day? I've always loved the beginning of school when I was younger. I loved the Fall season approaching and back-to-school sales. I imagined today that someday Hadley would one day be leaving home to go to college for the first day of school. I am so confident in her abilities to achieve so much.

I managed not to cry even though I so desperately wanted to. I knew that I would scare Hadley more if I cried or acted anxious so my approach has always been to be very matter-of-fact about school if not excited. I could sense her apprehensions a couple of times as we waited outside for the teacher to let us in the classroom but all in all, I think she was prepared for today to happen.

When I picked Hadley up from school, I wish I could say she ran to me with open arms and a smile with excitement about what they did. But she was very nonchalant and when I gave her a hug and asked how it went her only reply was disappointment that they didn't learn anything (as I had promised) but it was all 'rules rules rules.' And that was it. She didn't want to discuss anything else or talk anymore about her day.

We'll see what tomorrow brings . . .

The night before Chris gave Hadley a beautiful Father's blessing about all the good she can do and the example she can be to others. This is so true of Hadley. She is such a sweet spirit that I miss during the day when she is not around. She entertains her siblings, plays with them and helps me take care of them. My only hope is that school does not spoil her character but strengthens it.

Implosion

Ever felt like you might implode? That is what it feels like to be on the verge of moving to a new house, having a baby, oldest child starting school, oh, and all the while, being pregnant with a bad haircut. All of this is happening within the next three weeks. The reason I feel like I might implode versus explode is because I am on my own in the sense that people can and have offered to help but really, only I can unpack myself or know where to put my things, I have to have the baby myself (especially that darn IV), I am the one that has to juggle the emotions of Kindergarten. I'm trying to take it day by day and not get stressed and actually think that I've done a pretty good job at it. I know that stressing or having anxiety will not help me. My kids have forced me to slow down and just accept that it may take a loooong time to unpack. We'll survive and look back on this period with a sigh of relief.

Thank you everyone for you kind offers of help and sympathy. Know that I appreciate it all. Honestly, the best thing I need is for stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut to be left on my doorstep with a liter of Root Beer.

A Perfect Summer Evening

I try not to feel sorry for myself and my kids that they don't get to spend a lot of time with Chris b/c of his long work hours. Last weekend the kids were so clingy to him - they only wanted him to hold, help, play with them and even tuck them in at night. Part of me felt a little relief from my usual chores but it also made me realize how much they need and want him to be a part of their lives. I appreciate that he tries to spend their waking hours with them.

I use all of this to share a wonderful evening I had with the kids. We went to dinner outside at the Beach Pit BBQ where they could eat, drink fizzy and then play in the little patio area. They always play so nicely and tonight was no exception. Then we decided to go for a walk in downtown Tustin. Just me and my three little ones. They are so good and always hold hands to cross parking lots and wait up for me and Lauren. We went through a little strip mall center by Hadley's old ballet class and explored a cute little office park nestled amongst trestles and gazebos. It was an early summer evening and the kids had a blast walking around and finding new paths and a water feature.

On the way back we passed the ballet studio again where they had opened big sidewalk doors to let in the breeze. Hadley and Vincent stopped to look in and when Lauren heard the ballet music come on she immediately started imitating the dancers and intently stared at them. It was so magical to stand there and watch the three of them mesmerized by the ballet dancers while this beautiful ballet music set the tone for the evening. I love evenings like this. We had so much fun all together - I'm sad that Chris misses out on these and yet somehow I think these are the kind of the experiences that mothers like me get to experience every once in a while to make up for the lack of having 'daddy' there most of the time.

We drove home and went upstairs and put on our pajamas on my bed and all watched a nature show and played around. The kids were in great moods and just enjoyed relaxing all together. There was some giggling, playful wrestling and zlurburts for everyone.

Even Smeven

I love to see my children get excited for one another. I learned this strategy from my sister Kali and her two oldest children. When Kali shopped or found something another child would like she would point it out to the one with her and they would get excited. Kids need to know that everything is not equitable. Sometimes you find the perfect item at a garage sale for one child and not the other. Sometimes you get something, sometimes you don't. Life does not have to be fair - and neither does mom for that matter. But you can make your children hardly notice and look out for one another. It also helps teach your kids to share since you don't have identical items all the time. Hadley and Vincent know that if one gets a new toy, they can be excited because they know they'll get to play with it as well.

I love when my kids see something that their sibling would like and point it out to me. (Even if they beg to get it for them.) Love it. On the other hand, and this happens, I hate when I buy something for one child and the other asks what they get. I realize this is natural but I am also glad that I learned to look for opportunities to teach that life is not all about 'getting'. Imagine all the junk/clutter you would accrue by always trying to make things equal? Let's face it, we all know those type of people who are still keeping track of what they get or don't get versus others. We also know people who are genuinely excited for others' windfalls. I think the first place you can teach this is among siblings.