Nighttime

Last night I got to cuddle/hold three of my little kiddos in bed. It was so cozy and comfortable. Gentry was down for the night after I rocked her to sleep while reading stories from the Bible. Then Hadley, Vincent, Lauren and I piled into their new bed (Gma and Gpa Landmeier's wedding set) and cuddled. I sang Christmas songs to them, then hummed them as I watched all three of them fade away into childhood dreams. Some nights I am frustrated and strict with bedtimes but other nights I love enjoying the fact that four of us can all fit in one bed.

Someday my kids will not need kisses or want to cuddle as they drift off to sleep. I am grateful that, for now, they still want and need me close. I hope I am helping to create fond memories for them as well as myself. I'm not sure I can remember a time that my parents cuddled with me. I remember going into their bed at times and them making a space in between them. And I remember my mom tucking the blankets tightly around my entire body to make me 'roasty toasty'.

It was a good night and I hope to cherish these memories all the days I live.

Looking Forward

As much as I am trying to live in the moment with my kids and enjoy the stages they are in, there are some things I am looking forward to with all four kids or that I imagine us doing together:

1) Disneyland trips! No question these will be great fun when we only have to take one stroller or even, no stroller. Can't wait for to all enjoy fun theme parks and the rides together on a regular basis.

2) Going to the library when all of the kids can read or just to do homework so I can sit and read too or read to the youngest ones without trying to keep a baby quiet or close by.

3) Cuddling in our bed in the morning or at night all together.

4) Having family movie nights on the living room floor.

5) Going for walks or being around the house and not having to carry a baby. Not pushing a stroller.

P.S. I know Chris is excited to take the kids on skiing vacations and going water skiing.

Perspective

One day when Gentry was a few weeks old I needed a dose of perspective on having a newborn in the house with older children. I sought help and got these emails back and have frequently referred to them on occasion. I thought it'd be good to have to remember some of the struggles of this stage.

Today I need a dose of healthy perspective: forgive me for the long email.> >

Whenever I go to younger people's weddings I sit and think, 'boy what i wish I would have known or taken advantage of during that stage in my life." Now, after more than one baby, I think, "what I wish I'd known and taken advantage of when I just have one baby to take care of and hold all day." Quite frankly, I should have enjoyed every stage more. Everytime I have a new baby I start wondering what I am supposed to be enjoying about this stage in addition to having so many other small ones around the house. > >

I asked one of my good friends this and what she wished she'd taken advantage of more when she had little ones and she admitted, 'nothing - there isn't a lot of good stuff where I'm at right now.' She loved to get kids in school and find a routine and can't wait to go back to work.> >

But in my ever waking moments (more than I can stand) I figure there must be something I should enjoy. I really don't want to look back and regret things I should have enjoyed. I figure you all are my best sources b/c you have multiple children that are grown. What do you miss about my stage? Feel free to admit if there isn't anything b/c an honest opinion is helpful too.> >

Thanks> >

Raena> >

P.S. only 1 of 3 of my kids who still need naps are taking one today - (the newborn being the 1) so the other two are begging for a lollipop and making a mess of the popcorn that, yes, we had for lunch today!


Raena,

So, I've been thinking about this for a few days. I was given a blessing at one time that instructed me to live day to day. Do not try to live tomorrow, just do your very best today. Not that this instruction is for everyone, but it helped me focus on the here and now and on the things I had control over. I sincerely try to live each day with no regrets at the end of day. Granted, I am not perfect at this, and many times wake during the night with fear and anxiety of things to improve on. So, my focus is on the here and now. Time passes too quickly all by itself, needless to say wishing it to pass, or phases to pass, faster is only allowing for regret. Write in your journal daily, which I am not great at, but it helps. Live each day fully, enjoy all that life offers (even the bad), live with no regrets, and lastly take care to your task of eternity. Teaching and raising children is eternal- my fear in wishing stages to pass is that we miss the lessons that are for us, not them. You are a loving mother, don't beat yourself up, but live as if you had only a little time with them, because in perspective we do.

Raena, I do not mean to be preachy nor to make myself sound great at this. I had a lady once tell me to let my dishes go and play a little more---but dishes do need to get done and children need to learn to entertain themselves at times. Be your best and laugh at the rest! And pray!!!

As far as what I miss about mine being little--their innocence, their earnest hearts, their sincerity, their little world full of stuff to learn, things to touch, emotions to feel, all of that stuff. It is great to see them become independent, and we want them to become such, but it is nice to control their world and the influences of good on them. I think you'll find Gentry will grow faster than you remember Hadley growing. It is a trick time plays on us. Devor and Ammon, I feel, have grown so fast that I have missed some things, like I have no idea when Devor got all of his teeth.

Alas, this is your place in life, and though you don't thoroughly enjoy it, you do have control over making the most of it. President Eyring said that if you want to see God's hand in your life, write in your journal everyday. I think that goes for seeing the joy of motherhood. Pause for moments and laugh and play and get muddy and wrestle. They love you and need to know home is happy and where they can always come when life inevitably beats them up. I have some regrets, such as, reacting to things with frustration instead of pausing to gain composure (my kids react a bit now and I wish I had taught them differently). I wish I had never spoken to them in anger. This one sounds crazy, but you know how mom talks about "teaching moments", well I wish I wasn't so worried about missing them, because sometimes it is just better to be fun than preachy. I still love hugging my kids, but it is less often, and my boys pull away quicker. I miss the hugs and just sitting and reading books, or walktalks, or just a call for help (from Jaron and Rinne). Oh bother, now I am getting emotional, so I will let this go. I love you--

Kali


Hi Raena,

It was fun to see your family over the weekend. I'm glad the kids will have lots of memories of playing with their cousins. Here's the email I started--it was nice to think about the baby stage...

I wish we lived closer. I'd love to have Landon and Vincent entertain each other in ways that only boys find interesting or amusing. Somehow Moms don't come programmed to enjoy all the rough and tumble and sports and bodily sounds and so on.

What do I miss about your stage? Holding a sleeping baby and me dozing off because I feel so comfortable and warm. My naps never lasted long because the other kids always needed something. But I'll never regret skipping the housework to hold my babies. I also thoroughly enjoyed the silly way kids say and do things when they are so little. Tickling and simple games lasted forever because the kids wanted to keep it going. I loved watching the kids entertain themselves for hours with a funnel and measuring cup and water in the sink. I tried to record these occasions in our journals, and the kids love reading through them often. One other thing I miss is sitting with the kids on my lap and reading together--I think I mostly miss the kids being little and cuddly. Landon and I still cuddle a lot, and the other kids like to lean on my shoulder, but they're just not small anymore.

Each stage comes with the good and the bad. Fortunately, the first things I remember are the positive things.

I just have to say that I admire how much you are in the moment with your kids. Yes, a newborn throws things off for a while, but your kids will fondly remember water balloons, slip and slides, Popsicles, helping Mom cook, Disneyland, etc.

Sharon

Shopping Trip

Just in case any of you kiddos ever wonder if we ever went out - yes, we did, a lot. Before Hadley started school we used to do this quite often. Today, Hadley was home sick so I decided for old times sake we should do it again. I take all four of you to Wal-mart and then to a small mall that is connected to it. Lauren in the cart, Gentry in the sling and Hadley and Vincent walking alongside. It is crazy and very hectic but I gotta say that I love how well-behaved these outings require you all to be. And you are. I've seen other kids or talked to other moms about how they wouldn't dare taking their two children out to run errands. But you are all so good and well-behaved. What could be considered bribery is really just a reward for your behavior. Sure it was complicated today with Gentry screaming and me feeding her while pushing the cart with one hand (my arm still hurts) but it was fun to have everyone together again like it used to be before school started. I missed having you all with me! Thank you for being such good children for running errands. Maybe one of these days we'll all go to Disneyland again. Believe it or not, we did that too before Gentry was born. I would take you three little ones and nurse Lauren at intervals.

Helping Hands

Whenever I pick Vincent up from nursery each week, the teachers comment on what a terrific helper he was. EVERY week they say this. Funny, b/c at home he is only a helper if he decides to be one. It does help that he is one of the oldest kids in nursery. The rest of children seem like babies compared to him.

Today was Lauren's first day in nursery in our regular ward. She's gone to Upland's ward but it has a tiny nursery of about 3 kids so it was different with about 18 kids. She went in fine however, like we expected her to. She loved all the different toys. She is our first child to willingly go into nursery without really turning back. It might help that she has her brother in there as well.

So today when I went to pick Vincent and Lauren up from nursery I got the same reaction from the teachers - what great helpers they are. I was a bit early so they were still cleaning everything up but when I looked closer there were Vincent and Lauren wiping down the tables with a wet wipe. The rest of the kids were playing with the big toys and my little ones were cleaning up.

I've concluded one of two things: either they just really do like to clean and help or this is all they see me doing all day and are just emulating me. I'm not quite sure this is what I want my kids to take after me. Well, not the only thing. Tomorrow's to-do list will have snuggling and laughing on it for them.

Babes

All of the kids have had distinctly different personalities as babies. Here's hoping to capture or remember some of the similarities and differences:

Hadley LOVED to swing. I mean LOOOOVED it. From day one. In fact, up until she was way too old to be in infant swings she still wanted to do it. She slept in the swing, watched Baby Einstein in the swing, just sat and enjoyed the view while in the swing, anything was great while she swung. Neither Vincent or Lauren much cared for the swing and it appears as though Gentry appears to be following in their lead which is quite bothersome to me. I do however have a theory -

Vincent, Lauren and Gentry sleep on their tummy, not on their back like Hadley did. This is always very stressful for me and I remember hoping that Gentry would not sleep on her tummy like the last two b/c all the literature and pediatricians today will tell you, no insist that you put babies on their back due to SIDS. I slept next to Vincent for the first three months because it made me so nervous. Then I would go to bed worrying about them. I got a little bit more used to it with Lauren, but it still makes me nervous.

Hadley loves a pacifier. Vincent and Lauren like their thumbs and blankies.

A lot of people refuse to sleep with their babies or share their bed with them but looking back, Chris and I both agree it was the best thing we ever did with Hadley. She was such a cuddler when she was in bed with us. It got us over the nighttime feeding hump, and she would always know it was time to go to sleep with us. Of course this wasn't as ideal when she was supposed to sleep on her own or without us but I wouldn't trade all the cuddling with my first child for the world.

Vincent never really liked sleeping or being near anyone when it was time to sleep. In fact, I remember when I discovered that his newborn crankiness was just a need to sleep. By himself. In his own space. If we were desperate we could bring him in our bed and ignore him as much as possible until he would peter-out and fall asleep.

Lauren does not cuddle. At all. She likes her crib. She rarely, if ever, will fall asleep with us. I admit she never had as many opportunities to cuddle with us but even now she will jump and play around in our bed when we try to get her to sleep.

The word that would best describe Hadley as an infant is Content. She was the most content, happy, easy baby ever. I of course only know this now after having subsequent children. She was soooo easy to appease and rarely cranky.

I nursed (am nursing) all of you. Hadley was the hardest b/c she was my first but I have to admit, it didn't get much better with the rest. I just knew what to expect. Latching on was a problem as was getting thrush with Hadley, Vincent and possible Gentry. Lauren was probably the easiest one to grasp breastfeeding and became the most portable. I've never been great at breastfeeding with one arm or being mobile but I remember with Lauren, that I could get up and walk around if necessary. Hadley self-weened about two weeks before her first birthday. I weened Vincent at about 14 months because I was pregnant. I also weened Lauren at about 16 months because I was pregnant.

Vincent was the opposite of Hadley. I remember how crabby he would be after waking up from naps, before being put down and often in between time. I struggled with finding what would appease him most of the time.

Lauren was less difficult than Vincent.

So far, Gentry is most like Lauren.

Hadley never crawled on her knees but used her hands and feet instead. Vincent did the army crawl on his tummy. I'm realizing that I can't remember about Lauren so my guess is she was the first one to crawl the ordinary way. Now I am glad to be writing more of this down . . .

Ages & Stages

Hadley 5 years - Still really sweet as can be . . . most of the time. Since starting Kindergarten I've noticed her confidence level has increased along with a little bit of, dare I say, attitude. She really still is such a help to me and I miss her being gone during the day. Not only is she more willing to help out and pitch in but she is such a great imaginative playmate for Vincent. I wish I could give her so much more of my undivided attention and read great books and stories with her. Fortunately, Hadley is extremely patient and understanding that I am stretched thin right now.

Vincent 3 and a half - Vincent is a lover of all things sport. He will watch any sport he can find on television but is current favorites are baseball and golf. He loves to play catch or hit the ball. I've tried my best to find time to play outside with him each day. He can still be very sweet and nurturing. I love when he asks to hold Gentry and caresses her hair.

Lauren 1 and a half - Lauren is a little firecracker who thinks she is indestructible. She copies everything little thing her older siblings do. She enjoys jumping off of furniture like them but lands in a big plop every time. Her favorite words are no, yes, and a deep throaty geh-guh for Gentry. She also loves to hold the baby and points to her nose, eyes and mouth. She is helpful and will always find the baby's blanket when needed. Lauren loves shoes more than anything. We should have known something was odd when she used to always lick the bottoms of a certain pair of Vincent's shoes. Now she just carries shoes around, wears any shoes she can find or brings you your shoes and insists you put them on or she'll have a tantrum.

Gentry 5 weeks - Gentry is starting to chunk out. Something I only remember Lauren doing as well but not quite this early. Maybe it is because she is my fourth but I notice the changes she makes more than I remember the other children. So far we've discovered that: she likes sleeping on her back and she HATES the car seat!