Monday, June 8, 2009
Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde
Vincent can be a very sweet, sensitive, fun-loving child or he can be the most frustrating, crabby, loud, uncooperative child. He was not my easiest baby. We found out early on that the only and best way to appease his little 'tormented soul' was to put him in his crib (on his tummy) to sleep. He just wanted/needed to be left alone. I have difficulty in deciphering where he gets these bi-polar personalities because he can also be very sweet and nice and fun to spend time with. I am glad that he is happy and smiling some of the time - whereas he was never a very smiley baby. Maybe that is why I appease him with a bottle, his blankey, anything so that he won't crab or cry on a daily basis. Even potty-training is being put off until I can figure out his rationale or reasoning skills. I guess I just keep wondering when or if he will grow out of his crabby, easily frustrated personality but I should just be glad that he isn't that way all of the time. What if he grew out of his sweet, fun-loving personality?
Friday, May 29, 2009
Growing Pains
I miss my kids when they are away from me. In fact, I find it difficult to do some of my regular errands when one of my kids is not with us. I have slowly been getting accustomed to doing things without Hadley while she is at a play date. I don't think many people appreciate or can really understand how much I do with all three of the little ones. While it is fun to do a special outing with just one of the kids every once in a while, I'm more afraid about how one of them would feel if they knew what they were missing out on. Today was one of Hadley's many play dates and whenever I drop her off, Vincent asks when he'll get to do play dates. Then I took Vincent and Lauren to the mall where there is a play land that, quite frankly, Hadley is almost too big for, and a little train engine for them to ride. I loved watching them both ride around in it together but I always feel like I am missing a small part of myself when one of my kids isn't with me. I wonder if people assume those are all the kids I have. I worry that they miss out on seeing my entire brood and knowing what a special spirit Hadley is. I wonder if this is how mothers who lose a child feel all the time - in every thing they do, even when their entire earthly family is together.
Obviously I will need to get over this and have started to do so. When we came home, we had lunch and cooked together and I even read to Vincent all alone while Lauren was sleeping. Usually I reserve the time for when I can 'kill two birds with one stone' and read to both of them. But on days like this I try and give Vincent 'only child' or 'first child' attention knowing he will never have the one-on-one that Hadley had with me when she was born.
I miss that I am losing Hadley to other distractions that aren't centered around me and her siblings. I miss that she prefers her play dates over spending time with us, even though I know this is healthy and was inevitable. But I love when she comes home and is happy to be back and I can give her a big hug and tell her I missed her.
Obviously I will need to get over this and have started to do so. When we came home, we had lunch and cooked together and I even read to Vincent all alone while Lauren was sleeping. Usually I reserve the time for when I can 'kill two birds with one stone' and read to both of them. But on days like this I try and give Vincent 'only child' or 'first child' attention knowing he will never have the one-on-one that Hadley had with me when she was born.
I miss that I am losing Hadley to other distractions that aren't centered around me and her siblings. I miss that she prefers her play dates over spending time with us, even though I know this is healthy and was inevitable. But I love when she comes home and is happy to be back and I can give her a big hug and tell her I missed her.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
School Woes
I've been telling Hadley all week that we were going to go and sign her up for Kindergarten. She is usually fairly ambivalent towards the whole issue. This morning I reminded her and Vincent that we were going to the school to sign Hadley up and then we'd go to the park. Poor little Vincey teared up and was sincerely crying that he didn't want to "drop Hadley off at school." I asked him why and he cried, "I will miss her." He kept repeating this over and over while crying, not crabbing (there is a big difference with Vincent.) It even made me tear up how much he loves his big sister and playing with her. Hadley proceeded to comfort him and tell him it was okay and that she'd come home every day. I told him he'd be the oldest one at home while she was gone and he'd have Lauren and the new baby to play with.
I'm telling you, Vincent and Hadley play wonderfully together. The other day we stayed at the park for 2 and 1/2 hours because they were playing so contentedly with one another and another little girl and Hadley's Care Bear. It was so fun to watch them. Oh for every mother to have so playful siblings!
I'm telling you, Vincent and Hadley play wonderfully together. The other day we stayed at the park for 2 and 1/2 hours because they were playing so contentedly with one another and another little girl and Hadley's Care Bear. It was so fun to watch them. Oh for every mother to have so playful siblings!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Mealtime
I am excited to report that we have started to turn a corner on our eating habits. Tonight Hadley had more than one bite of lettuce (salad), ate two servings of mashed potatoes, two servings of pasta and two-and-a-half hard boiled eggs - with 'fairy dust' (aka salt) on them. Vincent at just as much except for the salad but did have a 'no thank you' bite of it. Perhaps more importantly, I sat down with them and ate a plate of it all with them and we talked and joked about random things. Afterwards I cleaned the kitchen while they cleaned the living room from toys so we could have ice cream for dessert!
This is so exciting because it relieves me from so many of the stresses of meal-time that I used to experience (and still do). However, like I said, we are just starting to turn a corner. We've done this several times over the past couple weeks and I am finally starting to get it. Every time I sit down and eat a balanced meal with the kids and have conversations with them - I get it. This is what Chris is missing out on. This is what meal-time is about. Not just force feeding your kids something so that their tummies aren't empty. So what if the kitchen is a huge mess, if you end up throwing away food or 'no-thank-you bites', I am finally introducing them to new foods. I only have three more months to get them eating anything and everything before the new baby comes. That is an ambitious goal.
This is so exciting because it relieves me from so many of the stresses of meal-time that I used to experience (and still do). However, like I said, we are just starting to turn a corner. We've done this several times over the past couple weeks and I am finally starting to get it. Every time I sit down and eat a balanced meal with the kids and have conversations with them - I get it. This is what Chris is missing out on. This is what meal-time is about. Not just force feeding your kids something so that their tummies aren't empty. So what if the kitchen is a huge mess, if you end up throwing away food or 'no-thank-you bites', I am finally introducing them to new foods. I only have three more months to get them eating anything and everything before the new baby comes. That is an ambitious goal.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Hadley's Birth Story
On the evening of Monday, August 16th 2004, Chris and I left for the hospital to begin induction. We got off to a late start and still needed to get dinner and I had yet to pack a few things even though I’d known for the last week that I was going to be induced. You were due somewhere around August 4th or 5th but must have been quite comfortable inside of me because you decided you were definitely not going to come on your own. For the last two weeks, I anxiously awaited my doctor appointments to find out how much I was dilated or effaced and, for the last two weeks, I was hardly dilated to a 1 and about 70% effaced. I remember Dr. Edwards felt that an induction would be long and drawn out because of how little progress I was making. But at my last appointment he decided that you were becoming too long overdue and I should be induced. After having a quick bite to eat at the IHOP across the street from the hospital in Santa Monica, Chris and I anxiously made our walk over to the hospital, bag and pillow in hand. I checked in at about 8:00 pm.
My pregnancy had been relatively easy I think. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I made a conscious decision that it would be easy and I would try to avoid complaining too much, feeling that would only compound any negative feelings. Plus, I didn’t want to be a burden on Chris who would eventually be studying for the California Bar Exam towards the end of the pregnancy. And it worked! A relatively positive attitude seemed to make the pregnancy easier. I felt nauseous in the mornings at the beginning. Towards the end, I retained a lot of water most noticeable in my ankles and hands. (Not until after the birth did Chris and I realize how much I retained in my face – pictures right before the birth are evidence of this fact.)
My room, 207, was already prepared and waiting for me when we got to the hospital since I was prescheduled. The plan, according to Dr. Edwards, was to artificially ripen my cervix with a gel that evening and then begin pitocin to start labor. We decided Chris would not spend the night. Instead he would go home and get rest for the big event the next day because, also according to the Dr., the gel would not induce labor (or only does so in about 5% of women).
The rest of what I remember of that evening is pretty uneventful. Dr. Edwards prescribed me a sleeping pill to help me sleep. The 2004 Olympics were taking place in Athens so we watched them until about 11:00 when Chris left the hospital to go home. I remember being anxious and somewhat scared when he left but comfortable because I knew nothing was going to happen until he arrived in the morning and would be by my side.
At about 3:00 in the morning I realized I was having very bad and persistent cramps. When I used the restroom, it was difficult to get up out of my bed and stand up. I attributed it all to the ripening gel however. I can’t remember what time or which order it happened but at about 6:00 a.m. I buzzed for a nurse and told them I was in a lot of pain and possibly wanted an epidural if I was dilated enough. I tried to put off calling Chris because I didn’t want to wake him up and bother him. But when I felt the pain, I just wanted him to be close by me. Eventually I called him but insisted he could shower, eat breakfast and then come. Meanwhile, the nurse checked me and found that I was dilated – in fact, she was surprised because I had actually started labor from the gel. I think this helped me have the anesthesiologist come sooner than later to give me my epidural.
The pain intensified but Chris was still not there when the anesthesiologist came into my room. He administered the epidural right before Chris got there, so when he did and saw how well I was doing, I am sure he wondered why I called him so early in the morning as I appeared to be doing fine.
The rest of the day is more of blur and the time went quite rapidly. In fact, I don’t even remember if or when Chris ate lunch. He napped and sat by the side of my bed throughout the day and we watched the Olympics or news or whatever was on t.v. to distract us. An internal monitor also kept us somewhat occupied. It showed yours and my heart rate while I was having a contraction and so on. I remember feeling pretty content throughout the day. Occasionally a nurse would come and check on me and take my blood pressure, which had gotten high in the last few weeks of my pregnancy prompting me to be restricted to light activity.
Chris’ perception of the day, however was somewhat different. Off and on, nurses would come in and use an instrument on my stomach to stimulate you and make sure you were okay. Dr. Edwards was called early in the morning to see the monitor, and although he was not entirely pleased with the results, he suggested we just keep being monitored. Clearly, there were some concerns but only Chris really picked up on them. Maybe it was the drugs, but I felt I was in good hands and there was nothing to be concerned about. Chris admitted to me afterward, he was deeply concerned but tried to conceal it, knowing it would just add an extra burden on me. For that, I am very grateful. He was so strong, and that is what I relied on.
By the early afternoon, Chris tells me now, he knew there were some complications and a nurse confided in him that I would most likely need a cesarean section because my contractions were not progressing and there was fetal distress on the heart rate. Dr. Edwards appeared again and looked and the results of the monitor and was clearly displeased. I was hardly dilated and the pitocin seemed to cause more harm than good in progressing labor. That is when he stated that a c-section was the next course of action and it should be done relatively soon. Chris and I both knew that Dr. Edwards prided himself on his low c-section rate so when he decided it needed to be done, there were no questions – Chris and I readily agreed and I braced myself.
I was wheeled into the operating room while Chris was getting dressed in scrubs. It all seems like a blur and yet there are some vivid memories. The anesthesiologist was very nice and talked to me a lot and tried to cheer me up. I tried to stay lighthearted and to laugh or smile so as to not concentrate on what was happening. When I would think about it, I would tear up, which was difficult to do when my arms were strapped down and I had an oxygen mask on.
Chris came in and held my hand I remember when the initial incision was made. We were being talked through the whole thing so I remember when you were about to be pulled out of me. Chris held my hand and looked over the screen to see you. He beamed when you came out and was so surprised you had dark hair, he exclaimed to me. I too was VERY surprised that you had dark hair but was more concentrating on the sensations I was having, namely intense shivers, chills, and nausea. Chris brought you over to me after you were cleaned. It was incredible to see both of you. Chris was so excited and happy.
After what seemed longer than the birth, I was wheeled out of the operating room to a recovery room. The next thing I remember is seeing my mom’s face and my dad enter the room. It was a very warm feeling and I was very glad to see them and have them there. They sat and held you and we joked and laughed. It was very lighthearted. Dad and Chris gave me a healing blessing in there too. Chris and you were finally summoned to the nursery where you were weighed and measured. My mom and dad and I anxiously awaited the results in the recovery room.
My pregnancy had been relatively easy I think. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I made a conscious decision that it would be easy and I would try to avoid complaining too much, feeling that would only compound any negative feelings. Plus, I didn’t want to be a burden on Chris who would eventually be studying for the California Bar Exam towards the end of the pregnancy. And it worked! A relatively positive attitude seemed to make the pregnancy easier. I felt nauseous in the mornings at the beginning. Towards the end, I retained a lot of water most noticeable in my ankles and hands. (Not until after the birth did Chris and I realize how much I retained in my face – pictures right before the birth are evidence of this fact.)
My room, 207, was already prepared and waiting for me when we got to the hospital since I was prescheduled. The plan, according to Dr. Edwards, was to artificially ripen my cervix with a gel that evening and then begin pitocin to start labor. We decided Chris would not spend the night. Instead he would go home and get rest for the big event the next day because, also according to the Dr., the gel would not induce labor (or only does so in about 5% of women).
The rest of what I remember of that evening is pretty uneventful. Dr. Edwards prescribed me a sleeping pill to help me sleep. The 2004 Olympics were taking place in Athens so we watched them until about 11:00 when Chris left the hospital to go home. I remember being anxious and somewhat scared when he left but comfortable because I knew nothing was going to happen until he arrived in the morning and would be by my side.
At about 3:00 in the morning I realized I was having very bad and persistent cramps. When I used the restroom, it was difficult to get up out of my bed and stand up. I attributed it all to the ripening gel however. I can’t remember what time or which order it happened but at about 6:00 a.m. I buzzed for a nurse and told them I was in a lot of pain and possibly wanted an epidural if I was dilated enough. I tried to put off calling Chris because I didn’t want to wake him up and bother him. But when I felt the pain, I just wanted him to be close by me. Eventually I called him but insisted he could shower, eat breakfast and then come. Meanwhile, the nurse checked me and found that I was dilated – in fact, she was surprised because I had actually started labor from the gel. I think this helped me have the anesthesiologist come sooner than later to give me my epidural.
The pain intensified but Chris was still not there when the anesthesiologist came into my room. He administered the epidural right before Chris got there, so when he did and saw how well I was doing, I am sure he wondered why I called him so early in the morning as I appeared to be doing fine.
The rest of the day is more of blur and the time went quite rapidly. In fact, I don’t even remember if or when Chris ate lunch. He napped and sat by the side of my bed throughout the day and we watched the Olympics or news or whatever was on t.v. to distract us. An internal monitor also kept us somewhat occupied. It showed yours and my heart rate while I was having a contraction and so on. I remember feeling pretty content throughout the day. Occasionally a nurse would come and check on me and take my blood pressure, which had gotten high in the last few weeks of my pregnancy prompting me to be restricted to light activity.
Chris’ perception of the day, however was somewhat different. Off and on, nurses would come in and use an instrument on my stomach to stimulate you and make sure you were okay. Dr. Edwards was called early in the morning to see the monitor, and although he was not entirely pleased with the results, he suggested we just keep being monitored. Clearly, there were some concerns but only Chris really picked up on them. Maybe it was the drugs, but I felt I was in good hands and there was nothing to be concerned about. Chris admitted to me afterward, he was deeply concerned but tried to conceal it, knowing it would just add an extra burden on me. For that, I am very grateful. He was so strong, and that is what I relied on.
By the early afternoon, Chris tells me now, he knew there were some complications and a nurse confided in him that I would most likely need a cesarean section because my contractions were not progressing and there was fetal distress on the heart rate. Dr. Edwards appeared again and looked and the results of the monitor and was clearly displeased. I was hardly dilated and the pitocin seemed to cause more harm than good in progressing labor. That is when he stated that a c-section was the next course of action and it should be done relatively soon. Chris and I both knew that Dr. Edwards prided himself on his low c-section rate so when he decided it needed to be done, there were no questions – Chris and I readily agreed and I braced myself.
I was wheeled into the operating room while Chris was getting dressed in scrubs. It all seems like a blur and yet there are some vivid memories. The anesthesiologist was very nice and talked to me a lot and tried to cheer me up. I tried to stay lighthearted and to laugh or smile so as to not concentrate on what was happening. When I would think about it, I would tear up, which was difficult to do when my arms were strapped down and I had an oxygen mask on.
Chris came in and held my hand I remember when the initial incision was made. We were being talked through the whole thing so I remember when you were about to be pulled out of me. Chris held my hand and looked over the screen to see you. He beamed when you came out and was so surprised you had dark hair, he exclaimed to me. I too was VERY surprised that you had dark hair but was more concentrating on the sensations I was having, namely intense shivers, chills, and nausea. Chris brought you over to me after you were cleaned. It was incredible to see both of you. Chris was so excited and happy.
After what seemed longer than the birth, I was wheeled out of the operating room to a recovery room. The next thing I remember is seeing my mom’s face and my dad enter the room. It was a very warm feeling and I was very glad to see them and have them there. They sat and held you and we joked and laughed. It was very lighthearted. Dad and Chris gave me a healing blessing in there too. Chris and you were finally summoned to the nursery where you were weighed and measured. My mom and dad and I anxiously awaited the results in the recovery room.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
What's In A Name?
All kids have funny pronunciations of different things and names. To this day, Hadley still pronounces Vincent with a "B" the vast majority of the time. We call him Vincey but she also refers to him as 'Bince' a lot of the time. I've always thought it was cute that Vincent calls his sister "Haddie" and leaves out the L. Two days ago though he shortened her name all on his own and calls her "Had". It is funny how nicknames get started and the natural tendency to shorten names to fewer syllables. I don't even think he knows he is doing it. It sounds so chummy when he calls her "Had" as they are usually doing something together.
I started calling Lauren 'Lor Lor' when she was smaller. Both the kids call her this and Vincent thinks it is funny to call her 'Laurie' too sometimes.
I started calling Lauren 'Lor Lor' when she was smaller. Both the kids call her this and Vincent thinks it is funny to call her 'Laurie' too sometimes.
What's Gonna Work? Teamwork.
Sung to the popular WonderPets theme song.
When other moms tell me how wonderfully their kids play together, I watch them but am rarely impressed. Maybe kids play together differently when they are at home but my kids take the cake. Hadley and Vincent play fantastically together! They are aware of one another, they use their imagination with one another, they follow one another around, they rarely bicker. I estimate that I have to break them up maybe about once a week, if that, and never physically. Sometimes siblings just need a break from each other. Granted, Hadley is usually the leader or imagination to the game (she has taught Vincent well though) and they don't always play together but they do always watch what the other one is doing and like to join them. If they go outside to play and Hadley comes in to use the potty, Vincent gets upset and wants her to come back. As I type this, it has gotten a little bit too quiet but I'm not worried, they've been playing something together and I have no doubt that they are still playing very nicely with one another.
I've seen siblings who don't even acknowledge that the other one exists or they taunt one another and are fighting. Sure they both like to do their own thing but for the most part, they miss each other and like playing with one another. When Hadley goes to play dates I don't think Vincent can articulate it but he misses her. I usually try and make up for it and play with him. I hope that he and Lauren can continue with the example that Hadley has set when she starts school in the Fall.
Sometimes I worry that they play too well together. When other kids are over, they just don't seem to understand how to play as well and I see Hadley and Vincent getting frustrated and anxious for the kids to leave so they can pick up their games. Luckily Vincent is easy-going enough to go along and play the games Hadley makes up. And Hadley is learning to 'give' a little artistic freedom to Vincent's ideas and imagination.
When other moms tell me how wonderfully their kids play together, I watch them but am rarely impressed. Maybe kids play together differently when they are at home but my kids take the cake. Hadley and Vincent play fantastically together! They are aware of one another, they use their imagination with one another, they follow one another around, they rarely bicker. I estimate that I have to break them up maybe about once a week, if that, and never physically. Sometimes siblings just need a break from each other. Granted, Hadley is usually the leader or imagination to the game (she has taught Vincent well though) and they don't always play together but they do always watch what the other one is doing and like to join them. If they go outside to play and Hadley comes in to use the potty, Vincent gets upset and wants her to come back. As I type this, it has gotten a little bit too quiet but I'm not worried, they've been playing something together and I have no doubt that they are still playing very nicely with one another.
I've seen siblings who don't even acknowledge that the other one exists or they taunt one another and are fighting. Sure they both like to do their own thing but for the most part, they miss each other and like playing with one another. When Hadley goes to play dates I don't think Vincent can articulate it but he misses her. I usually try and make up for it and play with him. I hope that he and Lauren can continue with the example that Hadley has set when she starts school in the Fall.
Sometimes I worry that they play too well together. When other kids are over, they just don't seem to understand how to play as well and I see Hadley and Vincent getting frustrated and anxious for the kids to leave so they can pick up their games. Luckily Vincent is easy-going enough to go along and play the games Hadley makes up. And Hadley is learning to 'give' a little artistic freedom to Vincent's ideas and imagination.
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